Vietnamese Brady Bunch?

Growing up, I always wanted the perfect Brady Bunch family dinner. I wanted to have my brother and I sitting at the table talking to my parents about school, the bullies in class, the friends we made, etc. But that was never the case. We often ate separately. My brother always ate in his own room, my mom always came home late, and my dad would just look at the food and not eat. He'd have a beer in his hand instead. Because I didn't grow up with that white-family image, I think I resented my parents a lot. I never saw myself as family-oriented, because in my eyes, we weren't the right TYPE of family.

As I grew older, I began to slowly understand why my parents were the way they were. I knew that the Southeast Asian refugee experience had a lot to do with the unstable family dynamics. The fact that it took so long for my dad to find a job hurt his self esteem. The way my mom had to step up made her resent my dad. The way my brother and I grew up, we resented our parents and acted out. And so many other issues in refugee families. I always wondered what it then meant, to have a "happy" family. But never did I think that I would find that answer back home in Ha Noi.

I remember sitting at the steps of Vincomm mall and looking at all of the kids playing with their parents. I was so amazed by the idea that Vietnamese people could be so "family oriented". Parents were showing so much love to their kids! Playing with them out at night, holding their kids hand, hugging them, all these things I could never imagine back home in San Jose. And then today, I went to eat at my uncle's house. Over thit vit, canh mang, and bun nem, my family members and I sat together talking about so many different things. I watched my cousin kiss and tease her baby daughter, my niece and nephew play with each other, and my uncle and aunt talking to their grandkids about how school went. Then, when it was time to clean up, they all chipped in and helped. It was surreal. It was like the family dinner I always wanted. They seemed so close and so happy. It was such a weird experience but I loved it.

It makes me wonder a couple of things. Like, would my parents have been happy if they just stayed in Vietnam? Furthermore, do I need to expand the way I conceptualize the perfect family? Is this typical in Vietnamese families or was it just specific to my family here in Vietnam? So many questions! AH! But it's all good. All I know is today was pretty eye-opening. Made me understand my family a bit more.