KDTM Den Lu

Going to Den Lu was completely different from going to Hang Chuoi. When we were asked to go to a semi-developed place, never would I have thought that it would be more boring that Hang Chuoi and Hang Thuyen. At least in these areas, there were a lot of people everywhere even on a Saturday morning. Den Lu was a different story. The moment we got off the taxi, I was already lost. I was thinking to myself..."did we get off too early? Do we still gotta walk some more?" And apparently, not really. KDTM, in all its blandness, was right in front of us.

The place is about 10 years old and is mainly a residential area. Since I was so used to the liveliness of Pho Co and Thanh Xuan, the quietness of Den Lu seemed extremely boring to me. There were barely any people around. We couldn't find many of the traditional items such as knife sharpening or a person who makes keys. There were barely any people in this area to talk to. When finally a man finally walked by and helped us find the newspaper area, I was extremely excited. It was one of the few interactions we would have with the people there.

The most interesting part of the mapping project was going to the lake near the area. It was extremely beautiful but like many other public places, it didn't have any benches to sit on. Nonetheless, it was nice to look around and to enjoy the breeze of the lake. It was also funny seeing An try to save a fish by transferring it from a small tiny puddle to the nice lake. :)

But if I was given the chance to live here, I'd probably think otherwise. The place is extremely dead and the life and culture of Vietnam would be missing. There's little interaction on the streets and very few places to get the necessary things in life. For example, we couldn't find a place closeby in case of health emergencies. In comparison to many other places in Vietnam, this place would probably be one of my least likely choices.

Vietnamese Brady Bunch?

Growing up, I always wanted the perfect Brady Bunch family dinner. I wanted to have my brother and I sitting at the table talking to my parents about school, the bullies in class, the friends we made, etc. But that was never the case. We often ate separately. My brother always ate in his own room, my mom always came home late, and my dad would just look at the food and not eat. He'd have a beer in his hand instead. Because I didn't grow up with that white-family image, I think I resented my parents a lot. I never saw myself as family-oriented, because in my eyes, we weren't the right TYPE of family.

As I grew older, I began to slowly understand why my parents were the way they were. I knew that the Southeast Asian refugee experience had a lot to do with the unstable family dynamics. The fact that it took so long for my dad to find a job hurt his self esteem. The way my mom had to step up made her resent my dad. The way my brother and I grew up, we resented our parents and acted out. And so many other issues in refugee families. I always wondered what it then meant, to have a "happy" family. But never did I think that I would find that answer back home in Ha Noi.

I remember sitting at the steps of Vincomm mall and looking at all of the kids playing with their parents. I was so amazed by the idea that Vietnamese people could be so "family oriented". Parents were showing so much love to their kids! Playing with them out at night, holding their kids hand, hugging them, all these things I could never imagine back home in San Jose. And then today, I went to eat at my uncle's house. Over thit vit, canh mang, and bun nem, my family members and I sat together talking about so many different things. I watched my cousin kiss and tease her baby daughter, my niece and nephew play with each other, and my uncle and aunt talking to their grandkids about how school went. Then, when it was time to clean up, they all chipped in and helped. It was surreal. It was like the family dinner I always wanted. They seemed so close and so happy. It was such a weird experience but I loved it.

It makes me wonder a couple of things. Like, would my parents have been happy if they just stayed in Vietnam? Furthermore, do I need to expand the way I conceptualize the perfect family? Is this typical in Vietnamese families or was it just specific to my family here in Vietnam? So many questions! AH! But it's all good. All I know is today was pretty eye-opening. Made me understand my family a bit more.

Hang Chuoi and Hang Thuyen

For Gerard's class, we went to Hang Chuoi and Hang Thuyen to map out the space with various places that a normal person would need to know to live there. On a Saturday afternoon, the streets were much more quiet than the typical noisy day in Old Quarter. For some reason, things just seemed a bit more peaceful. Although I had passed through this place before, I never had the chance to truly just walk through and explore it. There were quite a few striking things: a ton of bia hoi places, corner to corner, a whole street with cafes back to back, and a street filled with people selling birds and fish. The different birds were so beautiful but at the same time, I had this sense that it catered to tourists. As I was looking at all of them, I felt like I was this crazy tourist trying to look at their "exotic" culture. Nonetheless, it was extremely intriguing to find something so unique to Vietnam - despite the smell of bird poop. I don't know if this could ever happen in the U.S.

I am not too sure if this place is usually quiet or if it was because we went on a Saturday afternoon. However, I would definitely consider living there. Everything you needed was definitely packed into a small space. At the same time, you didn't have to deal with the intensity of tourists found in Old Quarter. It just felt a little more calm. As a person who often needs a place to retreat to, this neighborhood would be kinda nice. Who knows.

Gig interview - High School Basketball Coach

In this interview, the basketball coach becomes obsessed with recruiting good players and winning games. At first, he was content with being an average team. But as he learned quickly, the privilege of attending a Catholic school allowed him to recruit middle school and high school students from where-ever. This made me really think about the resources that different schools have and the politics that come into recruiting. Many public schools do not have the opportunity to train their students into basketball stars, let alone having the necessary programs for students to succeed. On the other hand, a private Catholic school has many resources to help their students succeed. Hence, the students' high SAT scores. Furthermore, the Catholic school is not tied down to any state regulations and hence, can go recruit students as they please. It's almost unfair.

From this interview though, I saw a completely different side to high school basketball coaches. For him, there's almost an art in being able to negotiate, persuade, and eventually recruit students. It's a dirty game, almost. Like a business. But even more interesting is the pride that this man has for this sort of work. Although he acknowledges the fact that he cannot move much further in the socioeconomic ladder, he still loves what he does. I don't know whether it's because he enjoys working with high school students or if he just loves the game of recruiting and winning. I think it might be the 2nd one. :/

Returning

It's crazy thinking that I would finally be returning to "my homeland". What that means, I'm still learning. In my mind, I'm always wondering: what does it really mean for me to return to something that is so foreign to me? To something that I never grew up in.

For me, I grew up in East Side San Jose for all of my life. I was the girl who went around beating up boys in elementary school. I was the one playing monkey bars full of blisters on my hands. I was the one trying to be a bad-ass in front of my middle school teachers and friends. And at the same time, I was secretly gettin good grades. haha. But silly things aside, I think I was really shaped by my family's experience.

I've always grown up in the same house - the one that I am currently living in. I grew up with two refugee parents from the Vietnam War. Growing up in a low-income Vietnamese family was often difficult. I never really knew how to get to college, how to make smart financial investments, blah blah, etc. Fights over money were common. Fights with my brother were also common. Sometimes I even wonder if my parents would've been happier together if they stayed in Vietnam, without the same money troubles that they have now. Eventually, I decided to do theatre - a developed passion - to get away from it all. Also, although I ate Vietnamese food everyday, went to temple, and performed traditional dances every so often, I didn't know what it meant to be truly Vietnamese. Luckily though, I still had two hard-ass working parents who I regret not appreciating earlier in life.

With the help of great people, I am now currently attending UC Berkeley. I've had the privilege of joining student organizations who have taught me what it means to be Asian American and Southeast Asian. I am a continuing member of Vietnamese Scouting in San Jose. I have recently come to identify as a queer Southeast Asian womyn as well. Even thoug I use these terms as a form of empowerment, I know that there's still a lot to learn. I still don't know my parents' story. My grandparents' story. And so forth. I lack the knowledge I need to understand my own roots. Thus, I chose EAP Vietnam.

I was drawn to Vietnam for many reasons. Many personal, some out of pure excitement at the thought of traveling. Here are some:

- to reconnect with my parent's experience
- to dig up my family's history
- to make awesome friends! which I already have!
- to learn more about Vietnamese history, politics, culture
- to learn how to cook and speak better Vietnamese so I can show off to my moms and pops! haha.
- to move out of my "American" bubble.
- and to just...freakin learn. Anything!

Being here, I've already experienced several cultural shocks. But yet, I'm still fallin in love with Ha Noi everday. I'll probably never experience Vietnam the way my parents had, but nonetheless, I am finding a piece of me here. It might not be exactly MY homeland, but its still becoming a second home :)