The festival that we put on this week was so freakin amazing. It was what definitely topped everything off for the whole semester. It made me realize how important volunteering was for these students and how, even something simple as a tiny festival, could make a difference to these students.
For the festival, we had different stations: playing games, arts and crafts, sports, and a crazy snack table. When all the kids first came out, they seemed really shy. They were just walking around, trying to figure out what was going on. It made us scared because we didn't know if they were going to enjoy the festival. In a few minutes, though, it totally changed. Everyone started rushing to the snack table, trying on wings and masks, throwing the rice bags at the water bottles, etc. At one point, the students got into a soul train and danced together to the kids music. It was so freakin adorable seeing how much the students enjoyed theit time. One student named Quang has been there for the longest time. When I asked him to say something to the camera, he said, "Today is a really fun day. How can I even describe it?" That made me so happy.
What was really interesting was to see how all the parents, nurses, and volunteers reacted. I think they were really surprised by how well the festival was going and TRUST, we were just as surprised too. You could tell that they were interested in seeing what we had to offer. I wonder if this festival will be able to transcend this one moment. I really hope that this festival gives folks some ideas on how to allow the students enjoy their time at Hoa Binh Thanh Xuan, how to change it up a bit for the students, and how to make them feel like any other ordinary child. And I hope we can put this in our letter, too and hopefully one day, see the results of our work. If not, I hope we created a good experience for the students.
They are really amazing and I don't know how I will be two weeks from now when I won't be able to see their beautiful faces. I've become so attached to them, to playing games with them, to seeing them light up at new activities...And I've also gotten to know my service learning group so much better. Overall, I'm so glad I had this service learning experience. It was truly amazing.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
I'll be back, you can count on it.
I stumbled upon old videos that I took from the first few days before I left to Vietnam, to the airplane trip, to our arrival at the airport, and through the orientation week. I couldn't even believe that it was that long ago. The fear that we had as we landed in Hanoi, the excitement of trying our first mia da drink, and meeting all of the great HANU friends for the first time. It was so intense to watch it. I kept thinking, OH SHIT. OH SHIT. HOW AM I GONNA LEAVE??! There's noooo waaaaay.
And I still feel this way. I still feel like there will be a huge part of me left behind if I left. Honestly I don't know how I'm going to cope. I may be super depressed. But while there's a part of me that will be left here, I think there's so much that I've gained here that I would be shameful if I didn't take it with me back to the States.
I've learned sooo much here. It's so unbelievable. I am so excited to finally go home and share all these experiences with friends and family. I want to blow their minds with the idea that Vietnam has skyscrapers and cars everywhere! And at the same time, critically discuss how development still leaves many poor people in the dark. I can't wait to sit down with my family and talk in Vietnamese! That is the best! I want to share with my parents the new slang I've learned, the new accent I've developed, and my new understanding of our family. I know it will take baby steps before they can even think of me possibly understanding anything of our culture and language but I'm so ready to take those steps.
Also, I think a lot about the exchanges I've had with local friends in Vietnam. They've taught me to open myself up more to different forms of thinking, lifestyles, etc. Especially through great talks with my friend Thai Linh, I can say she's taught me so much about love, family, and life. This, I value so much. I can't wait to bring these experiences back home with me.
I've grown so much as a person here. I've had good and bad experiences here, but nonetheless, it was a goddamn GOOD ASS experience. Hopefully, one day I can go back to Vietnam and work. Contribute something to the world. DO SOMETHING about the world. But for now, I know my forms of communication will be limited to chat and email. I don't know how I'm gonna feel knowing that my friends are now 293829483 miles away and impossible to call for some tra chanh. But I know that I don't want all of us to end here.
To all my Vietnam friends: WHEN, not IF, I come back and see you, you better be doing big things. I want to see social justice, babies, smiles, tears, and everything in between. And we're just gonna repeat this process of sharing and learning from one another. I'll be back. I promise.
And I still feel this way. I still feel like there will be a huge part of me left behind if I left. Honestly I don't know how I'm going to cope. I may be super depressed. But while there's a part of me that will be left here, I think there's so much that I've gained here that I would be shameful if I didn't take it with me back to the States.
I've learned sooo much here. It's so unbelievable. I am so excited to finally go home and share all these experiences with friends and family. I want to blow their minds with the idea that Vietnam has skyscrapers and cars everywhere! And at the same time, critically discuss how development still leaves many poor people in the dark. I can't wait to sit down with my family and talk in Vietnamese! That is the best! I want to share with my parents the new slang I've learned, the new accent I've developed, and my new understanding of our family. I know it will take baby steps before they can even think of me possibly understanding anything of our culture and language but I'm so ready to take those steps.
Also, I think a lot about the exchanges I've had with local friends in Vietnam. They've taught me to open myself up more to different forms of thinking, lifestyles, etc. Especially through great talks with my friend Thai Linh, I can say she's taught me so much about love, family, and life. This, I value so much. I can't wait to bring these experiences back home with me.
I've grown so much as a person here. I've had good and bad experiences here, but nonetheless, it was a goddamn GOOD ASS experience. Hopefully, one day I can go back to Vietnam and work. Contribute something to the world. DO SOMETHING about the world. But for now, I know my forms of communication will be limited to chat and email. I don't know how I'm gonna feel knowing that my friends are now 293829483 miles away and impossible to call for some tra chanh. But I know that I don't want all of us to end here.
To all my Vietnam friends: WHEN, not IF, I come back and see you, you better be doing big things. I want to see social justice, babies, smiles, tears, and everything in between. And we're just gonna repeat this process of sharing and learning from one another. I'll be back. I promise.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Service Learning - Society
In the last few blogs, I’ve noticed that I’ve talked a lot of societal rules and how society often views mentally and physically disabled folks. Often times, I referred to Anh Thai’s statement about how often times, they are seen as reincarnations of a bad spirit or something. This still goes through my mind often whenever I look at my students. Do others see them as bad souls? Do they see disabled people as people who cannot be helped? In a society that can easily labels people for their capabilities, rather than their potential improvement, I wonder how these societal labels affect these students and the organization and what agency do they have to push back. It’s that push and pull struggle between society and individual agency.
Even with all of Hoa Binh Thanh Xuan’s questionable practices and living standards, I still believe Hoa Binh is a good place. They do many things to help the students here. For example, although I question some of the physical therapists’ techniques, they nonetheless have gotten the children they work with to walk. In the beginning of the year, one of the cutest girls ever named Linh would take 30 minutes to walk 4 feet. Now, she is walking much faster and with much more confidence. (She still loves to be held affectionately though). Other students are also like that. Before, they would cry at the thought of being forced to walk but now, some of them have gotten much better. They can walk a couple of steps by themselves without falling. In many ways, Hoa Binh still believes in physically disabled children and their ability to improve and get better. They also help many families that are looking for a place for their children to continue learning in the classrooms.
At the same time, they sometimes treat the students poorly. They sleep in very crappy conditions and often times, the classrooms dissolve into singing and dancing and very little academic learning. Once again though, this is probably due to financial constraints. I can’t help but think that it also stems from a certain attitude though. The way people talk about these students are like “they are not normal”. In a sense, they’re humanity is taken away. They are not human enough to fully function and to earn the same amount of respect and form of living as others. I’m not too sure.
So I feel like there’s this struggle between Hoa Binh and society. Hoa Binh is sort of a place where many disabled folks are casted into one place to be reserved from others to see. At the same time, they provide a nice and safe environment for folks to find others like them. While they may have negative attitudes about disabled children, at the same time, they are helping many of them progress in their mental and physical capabilities. While being affected by what others have to say about them, they are also pushing back and helping many disabled children navigate through society. Thus, its this constant interaction between society and the agency of an individual or a body of people.
Even with all of Hoa Binh Thanh Xuan’s questionable practices and living standards, I still believe Hoa Binh is a good place. They do many things to help the students here. For example, although I question some of the physical therapists’ techniques, they nonetheless have gotten the children they work with to walk. In the beginning of the year, one of the cutest girls ever named Linh would take 30 minutes to walk 4 feet. Now, she is walking much faster and with much more confidence. (She still loves to be held affectionately though). Other students are also like that. Before, they would cry at the thought of being forced to walk but now, some of them have gotten much better. They can walk a couple of steps by themselves without falling. In many ways, Hoa Binh still believes in physically disabled children and their ability to improve and get better. They also help many families that are looking for a place for their children to continue learning in the classrooms.
At the same time, they sometimes treat the students poorly. They sleep in very crappy conditions and often times, the classrooms dissolve into singing and dancing and very little academic learning. Once again though, this is probably due to financial constraints. I can’t help but think that it also stems from a certain attitude though. The way people talk about these students are like “they are not normal”. In a sense, they’re humanity is taken away. They are not human enough to fully function and to earn the same amount of respect and form of living as others. I’m not too sure.
So I feel like there’s this struggle between Hoa Binh and society. Hoa Binh is sort of a place where many disabled folks are casted into one place to be reserved from others to see. At the same time, they provide a nice and safe environment for folks to find others like them. While they may have negative attitudes about disabled children, at the same time, they are helping many of them progress in their mental and physical capabilities. While being affected by what others have to say about them, they are also pushing back and helping many disabled children navigate through society. Thus, its this constant interaction between society and the agency of an individual or a body of people.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Group Work
Throughout my whole life, I've been able to work with many organizations. I've been able to reflect and be critical of my own group leadership style and so forth but being in Vietnam definitely challenged me a lot. For one, we are all working with so many different language barriers. I definitely realized this from the very start. When we were talking on the bus, I remember being slightly frustrated from having to move back and forth from English to Vietnamese. Although its no one's fault, I knew that generally, my personality is to make sure everyone is on the same page and that everyone is happy and pleased. Therefore, I felt some great responsibility to translate and talk to everyone. This is probably a huge problem as well because of couse, both sides are capable of talking to each other.
At the same time, I realized that I had to depend on my buddy group often because of the language barrier. For instance, the first time we did an interview, I freaked out and became as quiet as a mouse. I was so overwhelmed by how little I understood from the interview that I became freakishly quiet. From then on, I just depended on them to carry out the interview. At the same time, I felt a deep responsibility to the group for my lack of Vietnamese skills so therefore, I tried my best to translate and make the Gig English versions sound natural.
In retrospect, the language barrier caused serious problems for everyone. It made it harder to communicate and to do any type of work but it's all good. Its just the challenge we had to take from benig in a class of UC and HANU students. With all the challenges, it helps us understand one another and to learn how to "get each other's backs".
Also, I remember the first time our Project Kiem An group came together for the scavenger hunt. Immediately, I noticed the different ways we liked to approach our work. For instance, I feel like Sharon and Thai Linh are much more straightforward and direct about what they want. If they want to interview someone random, they go with less hesitation. For me and An, it's a different story. We both freak out a little about the idea of possibly intruding into someone's life. And this has definitely come out in our Project Kiem An groups. However, what I've realized from being on this program and from hanging out with my project group is that we definitely fuel each other. When I'm frightened about something, Sharon is always ready to be like "it's okay. What's the worst that can happen?" and then Thai Linh will be like "yeah! Let's do it" with a smile on her face. Then An will help remind us about the caution that we need to take. It's kind of this nice group dynamic going on. In a group, you can't always have the same type of people right? Gotta have the yummy bag of candy full of chewy sour gummy worms, chocolate raisins, and peach rings for a successful movie watching day :)
So, especially with the Project Kiem An group, I've learned the importance of depending on one another and how each person adds something different to the group. With a group that was so committed to our work and the experience of being in UCHANU, we all tried to contribute in different ways and tried to surpass inevitable challenges. What a good group :)
At the same time, I realized that I had to depend on my buddy group often because of the language barrier. For instance, the first time we did an interview, I freaked out and became as quiet as a mouse. I was so overwhelmed by how little I understood from the interview that I became freakishly quiet. From then on, I just depended on them to carry out the interview. At the same time, I felt a deep responsibility to the group for my lack of Vietnamese skills so therefore, I tried my best to translate and make the Gig English versions sound natural.
In retrospect, the language barrier caused serious problems for everyone. It made it harder to communicate and to do any type of work but it's all good. Its just the challenge we had to take from benig in a class of UC and HANU students. With all the challenges, it helps us understand one another and to learn how to "get each other's backs".
Also, I remember the first time our Project Kiem An group came together for the scavenger hunt. Immediately, I noticed the different ways we liked to approach our work. For instance, I feel like Sharon and Thai Linh are much more straightforward and direct about what they want. If they want to interview someone random, they go with less hesitation. For me and An, it's a different story. We both freak out a little about the idea of possibly intruding into someone's life. And this has definitely come out in our Project Kiem An groups. However, what I've realized from being on this program and from hanging out with my project group is that we definitely fuel each other. When I'm frightened about something, Sharon is always ready to be like "it's okay. What's the worst that can happen?" and then Thai Linh will be like "yeah! Let's do it" with a smile on her face. Then An will help remind us about the caution that we need to take. It's kind of this nice group dynamic going on. In a group, you can't always have the same type of people right? Gotta have the yummy bag of candy full of chewy sour gummy worms, chocolate raisins, and peach rings for a successful movie watching day :)
So, especially with the Project Kiem An group, I've learned the importance of depending on one another and how each person adds something different to the group. With a group that was so committed to our work and the experience of being in UCHANU, we all tried to contribute in different ways and tried to surpass inevitable challenges. What a good group :)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
One Heartland - Bittersweet
I am extremely thankful for this One Heartland project. It couldn't have come at a better time. For awhile, I started to feel like UC and HANU students were becoming distant. And furthermore, I was beginning to question who I really love and miss in Vietnam and who I would regret not seeing when I leave. After seeing the power of all the students in our class to be able to raise $3000 within only 5 or so days, I fell in love with HANU students all over again.
When we went to Nghe An this weekend, it finally hit me that this was gonna be the last big trip together as UCHANU. It made me extremely depressed. Everyone in UCHANU is so amazing and has their own little quirk. It was the first time that I had such a beautiful and deep conversation with Van, the first time that I got to hear such inspirational stories and quotes from all the people sitting in the back of the bus, and the first time I got to see all the HANU students pull their organizational skills together for such a passionate project. Being Thai Linh's roommate was also awesome because we just exchanged stories of VN and the U.S. with one another. She's definitely one of the people that I admire so much here in VN. What would I do without her. :(
I think it was a reality check for all of us, UC and HANU. When me, Khuong, Lan Anh, and Nancy went to drop off clothes to the families, we all felt really depressed. In one of the households, one of the woman immediately burst out in tears. We all held her really tightly and began tearing up as well. It was so hard to bear. It made us really appreciate what we had in Hanoi and in America. For the first time, I understand what my dad meant when he said Vietnam was still really poor. Sure, it's developing, but we cannot deny that the poor are still here. Vietnam has just gotten better at hiding it.
Sharing this experience with the HANU students really brought us together. In the bus ride home, we shared really personal stories with each other and it was one of the first times I got to see everybody's life views, little quirks, and personalities come through. And it made me fall in love with every single individual. We all talked about where we wanted to be in 20 years and I must say, I'm really excited to see where people end up. I genuinely want to know that everyone will be okay in the future. I'm not sure if we'll meet each other in 20 years but I know I'll still remember them all later on. HANU students have made such a big impact on my experience in Vietnam and in my life that I do not know how I'm gonna leave. I keep thinking about this and I'm becoming more and more depressed. Unlike before, when I was questioning who my real friends were in Vietnam, now I know. Its the great folks that I've met in this UCHANU class. From the beginning UCHANU party till now, I know I gotta cherish all these memories with them. AH! Vietnam, you are bittersweet.
When we went to Nghe An this weekend, it finally hit me that this was gonna be the last big trip together as UCHANU. It made me extremely depressed. Everyone in UCHANU is so amazing and has their own little quirk. It was the first time that I had such a beautiful and deep conversation with Van, the first time that I got to hear such inspirational stories and quotes from all the people sitting in the back of the bus, and the first time I got to see all the HANU students pull their organizational skills together for such a passionate project. Being Thai Linh's roommate was also awesome because we just exchanged stories of VN and the U.S. with one another. She's definitely one of the people that I admire so much here in VN. What would I do without her. :(
I think it was a reality check for all of us, UC and HANU. When me, Khuong, Lan Anh, and Nancy went to drop off clothes to the families, we all felt really depressed. In one of the households, one of the woman immediately burst out in tears. We all held her really tightly and began tearing up as well. It was so hard to bear. It made us really appreciate what we had in Hanoi and in America. For the first time, I understand what my dad meant when he said Vietnam was still really poor. Sure, it's developing, but we cannot deny that the poor are still here. Vietnam has just gotten better at hiding it.
Sharing this experience with the HANU students really brought us together. In the bus ride home, we shared really personal stories with each other and it was one of the first times I got to see everybody's life views, little quirks, and personalities come through. And it made me fall in love with every single individual. We all talked about where we wanted to be in 20 years and I must say, I'm really excited to see where people end up. I genuinely want to know that everyone will be okay in the future. I'm not sure if we'll meet each other in 20 years but I know I'll still remember them all later on. HANU students have made such a big impact on my experience in Vietnam and in my life that I do not know how I'm gonna leave. I keep thinking about this and I'm becoming more and more depressed. Unlike before, when I was questioning who my real friends were in Vietnam, now I know. Its the great folks that I've met in this UCHANU class. From the beginning UCHANU party till now, I know I gotta cherish all these memories with them. AH! Vietnam, you are bittersweet.
Service Learning - Thoughts and Feelings
Lately, as the festival for the students is coming closer, I've been thinking about what impact our festival will actually have on our students. I know we are going to put our whole heart into this event, but I'm worried that the students will not enjoy it very much. Or, due to their range of skills, some of them will enjoy it and others will not. Will they see the point in knocking down bottles for candy as fun? Will they see a day of arts and craft as fun? Or will some of the students, especially the older ones who have been around for a long time, think its just silly? Will the nurses there think its silly in comparison to something like...buying new computers for the computer room? That's one of my biggest fears. Will planning for this event for a month and half lead to successful results? I know, for us, it seems really exciting, but I wonder how much they will get out of it and if there's anything that we can do that is more long-lasting.
For instance, the idea of beautifying their courtyard sounds really great because that is something that will physically remain there for many years. However, putting on a festival, is that legit? I'm not too sure. But it makes me question what we consider sustainable and not sustainable. Are good memories and feelings just as legit as something like repainting their courtyard equipment? Because our festival is only for about 3 hours in the morning but it has the potential to provide really great memories for the students. This may be something they just need in terms of getting through the loneliness that creeps in from living in Thanh Xuan. It can also influence other volunteers to do similar projects in the future. It's always hard though because its one of those projects where we will not be able to see the long-term results of our work (unless we do some crazy follow-up, of course).
So, will providing "happy feelings and memories" for these students be enough? I hope so because that's what we're really aiming for. Maybe, we can even modify some of our booth games to be more educational. That way, they are actually learning something as well. Or if all else fails, we can say we tried and that our students know we tried. We also have a beautiful painted wall that the kids will always remember, too. So who knows.
For instance, the idea of beautifying their courtyard sounds really great because that is something that will physically remain there for many years. However, putting on a festival, is that legit? I'm not too sure. But it makes me question what we consider sustainable and not sustainable. Are good memories and feelings just as legit as something like repainting their courtyard equipment? Because our festival is only for about 3 hours in the morning but it has the potential to provide really great memories for the students. This may be something they just need in terms of getting through the loneliness that creeps in from living in Thanh Xuan. It can also influence other volunteers to do similar projects in the future. It's always hard though because its one of those projects where we will not be able to see the long-term results of our work (unless we do some crazy follow-up, of course).
So, will providing "happy feelings and memories" for these students be enough? I hope so because that's what we're really aiming for. Maybe, we can even modify some of our booth games to be more educational. That way, they are actually learning something as well. Or if all else fails, we can say we tried and that our students know we tried. We also have a beautiful painted wall that the kids will always remember, too. So who knows.
Service Learning: Self and Identity
Ever since coming from the Nghe An trip, I've been thinking lately about the bluntness that Vietnamese people have for identifying others. For instance, when I walk into Dragonfly and greet the now familiar staff, they automatically nickname me "Beo" without hesitation. When we were in Nghe An, the teachers took us to the poorest houses in Vietnam. When we went inside, they would bluntly say "this is the poorest family in Vietnam" right in front of the faces of these Vietnamese people. They would throw out "ngheo qua!" this "ngheo qua" that back and forth like a frisbee. And then it made me think about the bluntness of the physical therapists that we worked with. They would bluntly say "these kids are not 'binh thuong'. They have something wrong in their head". And they will say it to me right in front of their faces.
It's in total contrast with America where we have to learn to be politically correct. We have to be careful with saying the word "disabled" or "mentally ill" or even "poor" and "rich". We're often very afraid to hurt people's feelings and to put people down, even though America's institutions do it anyway. People are often put in place by unjust policies and attitudes but Americans pretend like they don't. In Vietnam, though, I wonder how they feel about being labelled "mentally ill" so quickly and with so much bluntness. Does it become a part of their identity? Is that their only identity? Because I can honestly say that our kids have something special about them, from their personality to their mannerisms. But how do people see them and how do they see themselves? Do they try their best to be "regular" kids? And do some of them even have the capability to understand that they are somehow "different" from others? By constantly being labelled as "mentally disabled", does it disempower them as in the self-fulfilling prophecy? I'm not too sure.
It would be really interesting to look further into this so that we can better understand how to approach disabled children. What is the best technique for talking about them? What is the best way to give them confidence? And how can we be culturally sensitive about the ways that different cultures identify people?
It's in total contrast with America where we have to learn to be politically correct. We have to be careful with saying the word "disabled" or "mentally ill" or even "poor" and "rich". We're often very afraid to hurt people's feelings and to put people down, even though America's institutions do it anyway. People are often put in place by unjust policies and attitudes but Americans pretend like they don't. In Vietnam, though, I wonder how they feel about being labelled "mentally ill" so quickly and with so much bluntness. Does it become a part of their identity? Is that their only identity? Because I can honestly say that our kids have something special about them, from their personality to their mannerisms. But how do people see them and how do they see themselves? Do they try their best to be "regular" kids? And do some of them even have the capability to understand that they are somehow "different" from others? By constantly being labelled as "mentally disabled", does it disempower them as in the self-fulfilling prophecy? I'm not too sure.
It would be really interesting to look further into this so that we can better understand how to approach disabled children. What is the best technique for talking about them? What is the best way to give them confidence? And how can we be culturally sensitive about the ways that different cultures identify people?
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