Conflicting Histories - Playing Telephone

In my poor attempt to uncover my family's history for my history project and for personal reasons, I was really shocked to hear that there was some really conflicting stories. Chatting over dinner with my cousin, we started talking about my Ba Ngoai. Apparently, she was the most bad ass woman in her village. She was notorious for being horribly mean and extremely beautiful. What an interesting combination, yeah? When she moved back from the states to Vietnam for her final years, she even got in a full-on fist fight with another old lady at a senior home. Who does that??? She's also extremely vain. When I visited her 5 years ago, I remember looking at her as she watched T.V. and commented on how the news reporter was straight up ugly in her eyes. I mean, really Ba Ngoai? haha.

I never had much appreciation for her growing up because she always started a lot of arguments in my house. It wasn't until my mom told me a story about my grandma did I feel like she was a straight up warrior woman. From what my mom told me, my Ba Ngoai was married to a wealthy man in the North but he was pro-Communist. On the other hand, my grandma was not. Before 1954, my grandma took her kids with her and fled down to the South. However, one day at the market, her two kids fled back to the North to be with their dad. They later accused her of "kidnapping" them. This story really made me think about the family pain that can arise from war and how much both sides really had to endure.

When I was sitting with my cousin (my Ba Ngoai's granddaughter), she told me a different story. Her mom is my Ba Ngoai's daughter who supposedly escaped from her at the market. My cousin told me that, in actuality, my Ba Ngoai never even took them. She just straight up left them. Didn't even bother to take them. When I heard that, my mind was blown away. Who was really telling me the right story? Is it possible that the two kids thought that she didn't try hard enough? Is there something lost in the story? I felt like, in this game of telephone, something was not coming through. It kinda bothered me throughout the night because I really wanted to know what was true.

But I guess its a lesson learned for when I try to uncover my history. I'll need to take everything with a grain of salt, even though the experience of sitting down and listening to their stories will be enjoyable.